Round 8 Thirds Match Report

OLD SCOTCH:     7.14-56

ST BERNARDS:  12.9-81

Coming off a tough loss a week prior most of the boys braced themselves for a gruelling few days of soul searching and improvement on the track whilst a certain left footed blond-haired wingman, who requested not to be named, decided to go on a romantic getaway to the beaches of Seminyak in an attempt to find inner peace.

The glittering blue sky and glorious sunshine did little to alleviate the heavy Stuart Dew canvassing the pristine grass covering McQueen Financial. The unfortunate late out of Big Bad Bustling Ned Walmsley led to a surprise inclusion of coveted club hero, the resident benchwarmer of the Immortals John McClellan for his first game in weeks after suffering a particular bad case of Osteitis Pubis.

We shot out of the blocks faster than Hamish Dennis could mention how many AFL footballers he knows and some early goal line thievery from Rob MacDougall had us up on the scoreboard early. However, the early momentum started to swing against us late in the quarter, and perhaps coincidentally around this same time some vagabond decided to charge into my noggin with a flailing knee of fury and crack me open like a Sunday morning omelette. From this point out in the game I may have been heavily concussed so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I have a distinct memory of coming back out in the 2nd quarter, head wrapped up tighter than a Schapelle Corby Boogie Board to lead an assault on St Bernards, akin to a young Achilles upon the gates of Troy.

An overall lacklustre first half left a lot of work to be done but the scores very much attainable with acting Captain/Coach John Daggian imploring us to give more. Daggian was standing in for the perennially wounded John Stavris who spends more time giving second rate interviews on Thursday night than on the park Saturday.

It was at this time we unveiled our most ingenious tactic of the morning, unveiling the double weapon of Chuckwa Houghton and Hamma Dennis into the same line-up the opposition were left dazed and confused about how the same player was in so many places of the ground. Unfortunately for us, our plan didn’t last long as our double headed Hydra was also still dazed and confused from the events 2 Saturdays prior.

Our continual struggles in front of goal left us rueing plenty of missed chances and not allowing us to convert our 3rd quarter dominance onto the scoreboard. The exception to the rule being the miraculous inside out running BOONANNNA from the heart and soul of Thirds footy, James ‘The Gecko’ McGlashan. In addition, the tireless work of Shrimpton and Westacott across half back coupled with the suicidal attack on the pill of Strangward were promising signs for the 4th quarter to come with the scores as good as level.

As aforementioned I may have been heavily concussed at this point, but at the start of the 4th quarter I could have sworn I saw Nick Stavris in his 50th game within 20 metres of his direct opponent. Unfortunately, though a drop in intensity across the board was all it took for Bernard’s to get their tails up and an overall very disappointing last quarter was only mildly alleviated by the crafty late goal of emerging cult figure Boy George.

A disappointing consecutive loss and the boys will be eager to make amends next week on the road against Uni Blacks.

Goal Kickers: C. Houghton 2, J. McGlashan (O/A U19) 2, A. Martin, R. Macdougall, J. Otter

Best Players: J. Otter, D. Shrimpton, H. Dennis, J. Gordon, C. Westacott (O/A U19), D. Strangward